My “monkey mind” gets a beat down… and other self discoveries.


“Go out and TRY, you never know who you may inspire along the way.” – Nick Vujicic

IMG_1667Since yesterday, I have been pacing, a tiger trapped in a self-imposed cage… I see the mental doorway of where I am to go next and have been lingering back. Letting my “monkey mind” get the best of me, filling my daring brain with mindless chatter based on fear and failure. This is what can happen when I spend too much time on my computer trying to do too many things at once.

Maybe it’s reflecting on the lost of Prince; another musical Messiah, like Bowie, that makes me more aware that my life is shifting. Am I celebrating my time on Earth like they encouraged and demanded? …Kids are getting older, years wisp by in fractions of a second. The house is physically changing and the breaking of its bones send invisible shrapnel whizzing through the air.

I have fought for this shift. The home remodel, working from home to be present for the kids and my husband. Now, as these endeavors evolve, I am ready to un-peel another layer, to discover what new weirdness lay waiting to be unearthed within.

How do I define myself? Mother. Wife. Friend. Mentor. Philanthropist. Marketer, Communicator. Innovator. Messenger. Micro-disrupter. Harmonizer. Healer. Dreamer. Procrastinator. Not-the-best-housekeeper. ….I have erased the word, Writer, at least l0 times from this list. Why?

It isn’t as if I am at a loss of things to say. Is it because I fear that what I have to write isn’t interesting  enough for you? Or is it by sharing this moment you would see me a weaker, weirder version, than I have shown you before?

As I awoke today, set my intentions of how I plan to show up for the world and serve, I still felt a bit fake. Instead of jumping “all in” and putting my spirit behind my words, I mentally kept one toe out of the water, going through the motions instead of fully surrendering.

So, the angst continued to plague me. It was relentless. Self doubt grew inside like a balloon. Instead of continuing to run, from whatever nonsense was building up inside me, I decided to turn around and embrace it. Part of me thought I was literally going to explode, leaving tattered remnants of myself all over the kitchen floor.

I crept into the office, sat in front of the computer and thought, “just write.” Get whatever is festering OUT.

Write about ANYTHING. Write about the tools you have discovered that help you show up as a better human being in this world (…Yeah, those same tools that you are not using right now, which is why you feel so disconnected).

Write about how you have been changing inside because you have been trusting yourself more and so desperately want others to discover how empowering that is. Write about how you want to help everyone but sometimes loose perspective and get overwhelmed with the HOW.

Staring at a blank screen, I decided to do some research, ie. stall. Bam! I stumble upon this video of Nick Vujicic; A man who encourages each of us to get out of our heads and live. To try. To fail… I know all of this. I spend my time teaching this.

Today, I needed to hear it again. I needed to hear it in his words; through his story. Nick was born without arms and legs. He struck me as encouraging and compassionate. He reminded me of where I needed to be. Present. Here in the now.

So, I write. With each word, I attempt open the door of possibilities. I allow the world to see me, in this moment. Open and exposed; willing to show each of you my vulnerability. Unsure but trusting myself to make the right choices when they present themselves.

I chose not to file this journal entry away, but to share it with you. Because, maybe today, you need to hear that you are BEAUTIFUL.  You need to know that your self doubt doesn’t define you IF you don’t let it stop you from doing whatever it is you are meant to do. That I will love you through your weak moments and weirdness- even if you don’t love or understand mine. That the LEARNING is in the frustration and failure. Feeling humble. Feeling human. Acknowledging that self-doubt lives within us all and what sets us apart is what we do next.

May you go out into the world and try something new today.

Laugh hard. Love strong. Live to serve.

Best!

Kimberly Crawford

http://www.bbc.com/capital/story/20150318-leading-without-limbs?ocid=ww.social.link.email

Why even my worst day is THE BEST DAY EVER!


This morning started off a bit rocky, coffee couldn’t cure it, healthy smoothie didn’t even make a dent…. PMS was in full effect. Kids be warned!

There is nothing like sneaking in a play-date with your 4 year old to obliterate the morning grumps. Check out the video; a guaranteed laugh to get you over hump day! Thanks Ziva!

Laugh hard. Love strong. Live to serve.

Best!

Kimberly CrawfordIMG_6548

Happy Birthday Bunny Boo!


Ziva Sloane, means “Radiant Warrior”

On the 26th of March, my daughter Ziva was coaxed into the world a bit early for her liking. Maybe she knew Earth wasn’t ready for her and wanted to give everyone a chance to catch their breath before her arrival, that or she was busy doing her hair.

Once she arrived, our lives were never the same. Ziva got right down to business, teaching her brothers and parents how to properly care for a Q.I.T. (Queen In Training). Redefining what it means to “hit like a girl” and modeling to the world that you can be a warrior and practice kindness in the same moment. We are blessed to be in your court, baby girl. Here’s to celebrating your 4th year in reign.

Happy Birthday!! xoxo-Mam

Ziva 4 poster jp

#5words Sir Richard Branson Challenge


Inspired by Sir Richard Branson’s #5word challenge I asked myself, “Can I describe what I do in 5 words?” The answer was murky at best; are you asking the mommy-self, the writer-self, the activist-self, the educator-self,..the wife…the friend… (I’m a Gemini…we’re SUPPOSED to have a lot of “selfs” but I am sure you have more than a few in your pocket too;)

When it comes down to it, I believe my purpose on earth is to… Help people through my writing. But I love the simplicity of my motto… Laugh. Love…Serve …hey got it down to 3!

I got a kick out of my oldest son’s answer to the question above.

Luke to me, “Mom, your job is…To keep us safe…ha! I did it in 4 words!” he smiles.

Luke says about himself, “My job is… To help the little ones.”

Right on! What clarity for 8 years old; I think I had my nose in a book at 8 and hadn’t the slightest idea of what a Purpose was let alone have one of my own. I learn SO much from Luke it’s overwhelming at times.

A few weeks ago, I had a chance to teach him a thing or two 😉

 

ImageImageImageImage

A few months ago I discovered a Mommy Recharging Station at CV Yoga with Andrea Spence. She teaches Yoga ropes on Fridays (anyone in the area check it out!!) One of the amazing benefits of having Andrea as an instructor is the super cool pics she takes of the students during class to enforce that anything is possible and that we CAN do unthinkable things. I would come home and show the victory of my efforts to the kids and they would go bananas!

“I wanna go! When can we try that?!” “I didn’t know Mama’s liked to play like that?!” …pretty great responses.

Andrea was gracious enough to welcome my oldest into her class when he was lucky enough to score a teacher work day one Friday.

When I experienced my first class and was told to “trust the rope” and “trust my body to hold me parallel to the floor” the chatter in my brain said NO WAY! RUN!! I obviously didn’t listen and had the time of my life pushing my own boundaries. Now it was Luke’s turn. Like the Champion he is. He knew my job was to keep him safe and wouldn’t ask him to try anything I thought would harm him. So…up he went! Amazing how he just needed a breath of encouragement and he took off like a Pro! Of course he could tackle the Yoga Ropes! He was safe, encouraged and eager to try something new. Now he is ready to teach the little ones….whooa…wait a minute….simmer down Luke!….though if he thinks his 5 year old brother and 3 year old sister are ready, maybe they are…after all Luke takes his job of helping the little ones pretty seriously.

Funny how the pure spirit of an 8 year old can sum up my job better than I can (4 words!) and knows his purpose too!

Do you know yours? Share it with me! Don’t forget to try the #5word challenge. Check out the link above and see what others have posted. Three Cheers for pursuing your purpose!

Laugh hard. Love strong. Live to serve.

Best!

Kimberly Crawford

Mom on the Move


Image

Move

/moov/. verb. 1. go in a specified direction or manner; change position. 2. change or cause to change from one state, opinion, sphere, or activity to another.

noun. 1. a change of place, position or state.

My day started with a tearful Jax sullenly dragging his sleepy body back to his bedroom. Mike and I were pajama-less and I told Jax he could hang out with us on top of the covers or go back to bed in his own room. Taking my response as total rejection, iridescent globes of his pure little heart welled up at the edge of his eyes and silently slid down his sun-kissed and freckled cheeks. I struggled to rush through the waking process, trying to use my hands to sit myself up and rub away the sleep all at once, accomplishing neither. His crushing sobs bounced down the hallway which contorted the sound into an almost laugh or squawk which confused my morning mush-brain even more. By the time I located my robe, haphazardly discarded on Mike’s side of the bed, and plodded down the hall to my middle son’s room; I found him cocooned in 3 layers of blankets. Consoled by his stuffies, which were dutifully snuggled underneath his chin. One of his favorites, a corn-flower blue fuzzy bunny shielded Jax’s eye with a floppy ear. His face full of peace. I would have thought I dreamt the whole event had there not been the telling streaks of dried tears on his freckled face. Jax had been sleep walking again.

Like the other moments before, Jax would not remember this interaction. I, however, am left with the feeling of moving through a moment without being able to … i don’t know… what am I left with? A moment that I am experiencing alone, and yet not alone? So… weird.

On todays agenda was to hike with a new friend. We became acquainted through Jax’s friendship with her son: a really fun, spirited kid Jax loves to be around.

We had talked about getting together to hike for weeks. I had noticed something going on with her. Today she confides that she and her husband are separated with the intention of divorce. My heart felt so heavy for her. One look in here eyes and I could see the steps she walked were made with thoughtfulness and intent. Yet, I wanted to take her hand and start to just run. Run down the block and jump off the concrete street as if it were a runway and take off into the brilliant sapphire sky. I wanted to help her glide through the clouds and have the wind wick away the tears and hurt she was so honestly showcasing despite our fledgling friendship.

Instead, we hiked; we took off into the winding paths of Lake Chabot. As we talked and pumped our healthy legs to the rhythm of our raw truths, the world looked like velvet. The landscape, a blanket for our honest and raw words to softly land, despite the sweat-filled pounding of our feet. It was as if we were the toddlers Mother Earth held close to her belly and let us beat our fists against.

As our hearts pumped with action both verbal and physical, we were safe. Discovering new pieces of each other and realizing how alike we may be. I tried to keep my listening ears on and not talk so much or offer my suggestions; just listen. I didn’t do as well as I wanted too. I did my best in that moment.

I felt honored she shared such an intimate moment with me and trusted me enough to be so real. When I looked at her, as we finished our walk, I saw such a strong woman -walking in the present and toward the future she had not foreseen -with the purpose of being the best woman and mother she can be.

I was moved. Empowered, I hope to model some of her strength and intention into my day. What am I not doing for myself that I should be doing? What is the truth that I am not speaking? What actions am I not holding myself accountable for?

Maybe my feeling of being challenged by my sister-in-laws comment of “having all the extra time now that Ziva is in school, why was I not writing?” she asked, “What am I filling my time up with these other projects if writing is what I am passionate about?” Instead of saying, “good question!” I felt defensive and dismissed it. Now, in this moment… I see what she sees; why am I not being true to myself and putting this passion first (or even 5th!) No one is asking me to be a martyr or to have the cleanest house on the block.

Working on being real, letting people in and learning to trust and share my inner thoughts is what I should be practicing. Not worrying about what people will think if my kitchen floor has layers of dog hair, squashed strawberry tops and coffee grounds. If they are real friends, they will know that 3 kids, 2 dogs, 1 cat and a busy husband leads to an always moving household.

Though I love the pictures in my Dwell magazine and Architect Digest, they are no match for the epic pillow fights that spontaneously erupt in my front room. Or the awesome dance parties we have to shake off a funky day.

It is only 1:18PM and already I have learned a lot…the day is not nearly over. I am excited to go, walk, proceed, progress, advance, change, budge, shift, act; to Move.

What about you?

Laugh hard. Love strong. Live to serve!

Best!

Kimberly Crawford

Holidays and Super Heroes


“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store? What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more?”  — Dr. Seuss

Jax, Ziva and I are howling Christmas songs  while on our way to pick up Luke from school. We are waiting through a red light and Jax suddenly asked, “Did the Romans place Jesus on the cross, in the sunlight, so he could turn golden like he is on the cross at Grandad’s church?”

I mentally broke away from the shopping list I was preparing in my head and replied “No, Jaxi, the Romans didn’t intend to make him golden. But now that you mention it… because of their choice,  Jesus is golden to us.”

His 4 year old face was washed with concern and after a long pause he finally said, “ Well I wish Daddy was there so he could have fought those Romans with his sword and save Jesus!”

Ah, the innocence and wisdom of a 4 year old! How incredible is it that these little human beings look at the world and everyone in it as having the purist of intentions (making jesus golden like the sun) or to protect those that they love. Jax, feeling that his daddy was powerful enough to fight off Roman Soldiers as one man, and save Jesus.

I was amazed, again learning more from him than I could ever teach. I was also humbled. We are so Mighty to them. In their world we manifest food, home, all of their needs and most of their wants. Many of those wants are so simple. Our time; the opportunity to look us in the eyes when they are discussing the dynamics of how they think Santa squeezes down the chimney; the freedom to be themselves and not the reflection of what we hope others will see them to be; compassion, hoping as parents, we remember how frustrating it was to learn how to tie our shoe or how painful it is to have an ear ache.

My moment with Jax reminded me that kids think their parents are Super-Heroes and that our mission is to champion FOR them and not fight at them or against them.

My wish for you this New Year is to be in the Present and enjoy everyone around you. Be the Super-hero your kids believe you are and Choose Happiness.

Laugh Hard. Love Strong. Live to Serve.

Kimberly Crawford

 

Choose Happiness


I sometimes get caught up in the push and pull of life. The demands that I put on myself and, in-turn, exert onto my family; my kids.

As I run around the dinner table, cleaning, serving… anything other than eating, I wonder why my kids aren’t sitting still to eat their dinner…. Duh, why would they if I’m not?

Tonight, Luke had an especially hard time transitioning to bed. He said, “I am so unhappy Mommy. You never let me DO anything!” He dove his head into the pillow,  bursting into tears.

Wow. I dropped everything to sit on the edge of his bed. “Lets talk, okay?” Luke’s bleary-eyed face slid out from under the pillow, “Okay.”

“Listen,” I said, “I believe the Universe gives us energy. We get to CHOOSE what we do with it. So, that means we have a choice to be happy or sad.”

“But being happy is SO hard!” Luke whined. I thought to myself, he can’t be serious?! He’s a 5-year-old kid who has almost everything he has ever asked for (…hey we don’t have room for a pony, sue me.)

We sat in his room and practiced being happy. Smiling like crazed lunatics on a Skittles high.

Finally ready to rest his head on the pillow, we said our blessings and told God that we chose to use the energy provided to us for happiness.

What a HUGE concept for an adult let alone a 5-year-old boy!

So I ask you, Do you think that happiness is a choice? Or is it dictated by the external influences of your day? Do you think “happiness” something you can teach?

Laugh hard. Love strong. Live to serve.

Best!

Kimberly Crawford