As we sat around the table, eating dinner last night Jax asked me, ” What’s the deal with all this GOD STUFF?! Your, like SUPER religious now!”His smooth, soft, pre-man hands hovered over his head as he spoke. They drew the shape of a half dome in the air around us. Like the image of Jesus you see on all the traditional Hallmark Christmas cards.
Stunned into silence, I poured my attention all over him. Exploring his face, the little mouth that declared I am now “religious.” Why did hearing him say that bother me?
“I haven’t dragged you to church or sat you down to read the Bible or anything! Do you mean Spiritual? I have always been this way…Spiritual, I mean.”
My words fell into the veggie lasagna, short of making it into his ears and into his heart. They bounced off the force-shield he had around him. Jax had anticipated my explanation taking its usual esoteric turn about humanity. About the Rising consciousness bursting forth, and our place in it. How we must do more than embrace the Rising, but push it forward as well.
“You ALWAYS talk about God blessings, Grace, and practicing Gratitude. None of that helps. None of that matters in making my life better.” Jax, age 9
“You ALWAYS talk about God blessings, Grace, and practicing Gratitude. None of that helps. None of that matters in making my life better.” Jax’s eyebrow raised, declaring authority over the matter at hand.
“The goal isn’t to take time out to pray. It is to BE in a constant state of prayer; To BE…connected to God-source. Always.” My words felt void of power, fluttering around the table like petals of a dying flower.
“That is IMPOSSIBLE when God never shows up to help me.” Jax replied as if it were the end of the conversation.
Mike dropped his head and became over interested in the green beans on his dinner plate. “Here it comes…” said the thought bubble over his head. Luke, Ziva and I looked at each other, wide-eyed. It was as if a founding member of your club cast his members jacket at your feet. WTF?! My mind was humming- teachable moment- teachable moment. How can I get him to remember another time when he didn’t feel like this?! What should I say or do next?? I had nothing! I went to a place of bruised ego. Defeated, I told him I could leave him out of our discussions about God, the Universe and our choices made within it. I would be mindful not to include him in our spiritual rituals. No more Morning Intention God Blessings. I could even leave him out of the 3 G’s before bed (Gratitude, Evening God Blessings and Goodnight protection prayer).
….not my best moment in reflecting compassion, whoops.
“What if God has been with you the whole time? Helping you live a better life? …Because She is always there, you don’t know what it is like to be without her.”
Luke broke the silence and asked Jax, “What if God has been with you the whole time? Helping you live a better life? …Because She is always there, you don’t know what it is like to be without her. Maybe, you should practice NOT connecting with God for a week and see what happens. Maybe, you life will get SUPER Crappy!” He revealed with the excitement of a Mad Scientist.
Whoa. They do listen. They do remember. They know how to find their own way. My lesson, Again: Lips together. It is not about me and having all the answers. Sometimes, it’s about leaning back and not leaning in so hard.
I have been “doubling down” since January. Fulfilling this need to Push out and not letting the tide Pull me back in. All ocean waves must leave the land and return to the sea. I am remembering too.
My friend and Acutonics teacher says, “Life is a Dance!” Sometimes that Dance takes you to a place of forgeting …and rediscovering ourselves in a whole new way.
May you open your heart and hear the music. Release your toes so they may tap to the beat of the Universe that always has your back. Even if you have decided that you’ve been doing this entire journey alone. Maybe you will find your own Luke, to remind you that those are not your foot prints. That you have been carried the whole time.
Laugh hard. Love strong. Live to serve.